In an Apostolic Exhortation (1989) from Pope John Paul II titled “On the Person and Mission of Saint Joseph in the Life of Christ and of the Church,” the Holy Father quoted Pope Paul VI: “‘St. Joseph is the model of those humble ones that Christianity raises up to great destinies;...he is the proof that in order to be a good and genuine follower of Christ, there is no need of great things-it is enough to have the common, simple and human virtues, but they need to be true and authentic.’” I adore this line; for me, it has always rung so very true. Primarily, it reminds me of when I came back to the Church: I opened up “The Catechism” and turned directly to the sections regarding homosexuality. My initial impression was: “That’s it!” “There is not much here.” Yet, what I read was so simple, but so profound: “The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial.” (CCC #2358) In my mind, that had been so clouded with the lies of the homosexual world, this appeared rather harsh; but, strangely enough – also quite real and somehow correct. On any level, I didn’t understand. But, I wanted to believe. Only, I couldn’t fully accept it.
What “The Catechism” taught emerged from such a different place than all those voluminous books I once read which took up page after page in a vain attempt to prove that everything about homosexuality was grounded and solely based on an unblemished track through history: starting with the Classical Greeks through the supposed acceptance of gay unions in early Christianity and ending with the triumphant success of the modern gay rights movement. I thought we were a favored and destined people. Therefore, for many years I fought with God: “You want to take everything away from me; even my identity!” I knew that Our Lord had saved me from an ignominious death, but I really didn’t like Him very much; He was evil; and the Church was equally wicked for doing His bidding. Because, after all - I was being chaste, only – why did I have to give up my identity as well; why did I have to give up who I was? But, I wasn’t happy. Everything was a struggle; I was always nervous and edgy; overly scrupulous, judgmental, and perpetually frightened. Seemingly out of nowhere, a priest handed me a book: “The Dairy of Divine Mercy.” Much of what I read charged my soul, especially: “Tell sinners that always I will wait for them, I kindly listen to the beats of their hearts to know when they will beat for Me…Write that I speak to them through the remorse of conscience, the failures and the sufferings, storms and rays, I speak with the voice of the Church and if they frustrate all My graces, I get annoyed, and leave them to themselves giving them what they wish.” Then it made sense: I had been holding on so desperately to the last scraps of the gay lifestyle: my inner gay-self, my birthright, or whatever, and that had kept me away from Christ; distrusting Him; not loving Him. I thought that God was taking everything away from me, when, in reality, He wanted to give me everything; He wanted to make me whole again; to take me back to before the world hurt me. Yet, by resisting, He was allowing me stay where I was; in effect – giving me that which I thought I wanted, never realizing that what I wanted only made me more miserable. I was frustrated, and, finally, humiliated. For, in the end, I did lack humility. Unlike Joseph, I was proud and unable to bend my conceptions to those of the Master. I wanted to forge my own way; clear the trail to my own salvation. And, on my terms. Keeping those attachments that were too difficult to leave behind, and or too difficult and scary to explore and heal, prevented a deeper and more lasting relationship with Christ to even begin to develop And, as Pope Paul VI wrote, humility raises up certain Christians to “great destinies.” My destiny, and the destiny of my gay brothers and sisters: nothing less than “Christian perfection.” (CCC #2359) This brings to mind something Archbishop Chaput of Philadelphia recently said concerning the problem of same-sex attraction: “None of us are welcome on our own terms in the Church; we’re welcome on Jesus’ terms. That’s what it means to be a Christian—you submit yourself to Jesus and his teaching, you don’t recreate your own body of spirituality.”