“The souls is incapable of truly acquiring control of the passions and restriction of the inordinate appetites without forgetting and withdrawing from the sources of these emotions. Disturbances never arise in a soul unless through the apprehensions of the memory. When all things are forgotten, nothing disturbs the peace or stirs the appetites. As the saying goes: What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t want.” ~ St. John of the Cross
In a previous blog (see: http://www.josephsciambra.com/2014/06/the-horrors-in-my-head-how-to-get-rid.html) in which I described how a recovering porn addict must first completely admit that alone he is powerless against this vice and must rely solely upon the command of Our Lord Jesus Christ for ultimate release from captivity; secondly, I would like to explore how one cooperates with the Grace of God and ultimately contributes to this eventual wiping clean of the mind of all evil imagery. And, according to St. John of the Cross, the victim must first “withdraw” from all occasions of sin: meaning that we must physically, psychologically, and spiritually remove our body, mind, and soul away from all external sources of temptation. This will vary from person to person depending upon their proclivities. For instance, a heterosexual man must turn away from the screen, or even leave the room, while watching a football game, every time, before the commercial interruptions: as these advertisements are usually filled with suggestive imagery. Here, the requirements for gay men will be somewhat different, but essentially the same: avoiding all sexualized depictions.
With this recommendation, the difficulty arises in modern society because of our over-sex saturated culture: porn is literally everywhere. In contrast, when I was child, really explicit imagery was secluded to so-called men’s magazines, such as Playboy, and a few cable television programs; yet, even then, the main-stream media was beginning to be taken over by so-called soft-core “jiggle” entertainment in the form of mid-to-late-night broadcasts such as Charlie’s Angels and Three’s Company. Then, these types of salacious presentations and advertisements could be rather easily avoided. Now, we must be always on guard; always alert, and always wary of our surroundings. This can be exhausting, especially in the beginning, but slowly we will begin to realize exactly where and how the dangers will arise: we will begin to avoid certain establishments, situations, and company. However, this should not result in a sort of forced and sour-faced monasticism. To the contrary, when we reorientate our lives around God, one world will fade away and another will open up.
By disconnecting ourselves from dangerous situations, and, instead, by making sure we keep good company and occupy ourselves with healthy and righteous pursuits, we are building new memories which will eventually overpower the old and the wicked. For instance, when I had just been saved from my old life of sin – sin was all I knew. For, I had spent over a decade breathing in nothing but wretched sickness. So, as a result, although I was not in the midst of evil, certain colors, smells, or even sounds would bring back reflections from my past. And, it was a torturous memory; and sometimes sweet – like a siren song, as it called to me. But, I was impatient, and I wanted to be free of all that had come before. On this point, St. John wrote: “People, then, should live with great patience and constancy in all the tribulations and trails God places on them, whether they be exterior or interior, spiritual or bodily, great or small, and they should accept them all…” But, patience was something I did not understand, nor the humility required for such stoutness and trust in the Lord. Only, these things take time; and the building of unspoiled memories, relationships, and good mental pictures also takes effort and determination. This involves handing ourselves over to God by praying, meditating on the words of the Lord in Holy Scripture, attending Mass, making a regular Confession, doing works of charity, reading uplifting spiritual books, seeing religious films, and, above all, avoiding the sinful allurements of this world – as they will only led you back to hell. Because, I never once turned to porn or illicit sex without first having the idea enter my head through some recollection of either porn, the media, or my own personal life. Therefore, the old memories must be purged. In this, the Lord will invite us to the Cross, and through suffering we will be purified.
To be continued…