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| William James Webb, The Lost Sheep (1865) |
“We have to act in such a way that others will be able to say, when they meet us: this man is a Christian, because he does not hate, because he is willing to understand, because he is not a fanatic, because he is willing to make sacrifices, because he shows that he is a man of peace, because he knows how to love.” ~ St. Josemaria Escriva
When the Lord threw me over his shoulder, carried my lifeless body from the pit of sin and desperation, that I had so stupidly and willfully dropped myself, I hated the mud and dirt, and all those still wallowing in it, which had once been my only home. I spit at and cursed at the political leaders and activists I had previously cherished; I swore to never return to the gay Sodom and Gomorrah of San Francisco; and I wished death upon my fellow porn actors – for they had all deceived and abused me. In my mind, I had been rather taintless and completely victimized. Slowly and patently, the Lord filled my soul with a true heart of love for these people: because, as I began to realize why I had made the choices I did – I came to understand that they were no different; they too had been led to the slaughter – on the bloodied altar of ignorant pride and satanic perversion. The hate was only making me prideful, thinking that God saved me because – somehow, I was special; I was different from the rest. At that point, I was quickly humbled; I fell, and sought solace from the same people I had condemned just the day before. How quickly I could go back. It was only the Grace of God keeping me alive. I wasn’t a living miracle; I was that beaten and blooded corpse the Lord rescued. Therefore, I could not rebuke and wish violence upon those whom the Lord loved before me. Because, Jesus died on the Cross for everyone; not just me. He thirsts. Only, we have all given Him gall. Yet, He Loves them all; still, He took me – and that is not for my mind to understand or for my pride to take possession of, but to praise and thank Him until the day I see Him again.