Over the next few blogs, I would like to explore the writings of St. John of the Cross and describe how they relate to those who are or were in the gay lifestyle; those who struggle with same-sex attraction; and those with sex addictions or addictions to pornography.
For those who may be unfamiliar with St. John of the Cross and his work: he was born in Spain to a Jewish family of Catholic converts in the year 1542. At the age of 21, he entered the Carmelite religious order. The following year (1564) he professed his religious vows as a Carmelite and travelled to Salamanca, where he studied theology and philosophy at the prestigious University there, at the time - one of the four biggest in Europe, alongside Paris, Oxford, and Bologna. During the same period, following the Protestant schism, the Catholic Church was experiencing a fervent revival in orthodoxy and evangelism usually referred to as the Counter-Reformation. Ordained to the priesthood in 1567, John quickly became scandalized by the decadence and laxity which had infected some of the religious communities in the Church. Wishing to be a part of the revived spirit for asceticism and a life based on prayerful spirituality, John allied himself with the dynamic Spanish reformer St. Teresa of Avila. Later, a group of fellow Carmelites who opposed reforming the Order, imprisoned and tortured John until he escaped in 1578. During his forced captivity, he wrote poetry and was inspired to later complete his most famous work: “The Dark Night of the Soul.” After rejoining the reformers, he worked tirelessly to propagate a more contemplative and solemn form of Catholic religiosity. Finally, after much mental and physical suffering, he died at the age of 49 in 1591. He was canonized in 1726 and declared a Doctor of the Church in 1926.
One of my favorite books by St. John of the Cross is “Ascent of Mount Carmel.” In it he wrote: “It will happen that the soul’s greatest suffering will be caused by the knowledge of its own miseries.” Immediately, this reminds me of the words written by St. Augustine: “For you have imposed order and so it is that the punishment of every disordered mind is its own disorder.” (See: http://www.josephsciambra.com/2013/10/st-augustine-and-living-hell-of-sin.html) This happens when after a brief period of conversion-ecstasy, the reality of one’s former sins sets in, and the penitent becomes prideful. For example, of this phenomenon, St. John, in “The Dark Night of the Soul,” wrote: “…they can never read enough spiritual books, and one minute they are meditating on one subject and the next on another, always hunting for some gratification in the things of God. God very rightly and discreetly and lovingly denies this satisfaction to these beginners. If he did not, they would fall into innumerable evils because of their spiritual gluttony and craving for sweetness.” On a personal level, I can totally relate. When I was converted to Catholicism, I went into state of hyper spiritual frenzy. I piled all kinds of religious books in my room: from St. Thomas Aquinas to Thomas Merton. I devoured everything and understood about 1% of it. I plastered my walls with religious pictures; ran through a local Catholic store and bought various statues of the Saints that I couldn’t even identify; I vividly remember grabbing a statue of St. Philomena just because it looked pretty. It got overwhelming, and I began to drown in it all. I didn’t know what I was doing. One day, I would read about the simplicity of St. Francis, the next day move on to some complex philosophy expounded by Edith Stein. I was spinning. Yet, as I studied the lives of various holy men and women – I became jealous. The, I started to feel small, unworthy, dirty, corrupted, and unforgivable. I was confused. This attempt to consume God wasn’t working. I began to relive everything that I had done, and, as John wrote, I became imprisoned in the mind of remorse and false pride brought about by a formless quest for sanctity. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. By my own will and power, I thought - that I could literally stuff myself full of God. I wanted to be in control. I wanted heaven, and I wanted it now; and on my own terms. I believed that just because I came back to the Church: right away, everything was going to be easy; I could just sit-back and be infused with piety. I figured, the pain, the struggle, and the torment was all in the past. I didn’t know about the Cross, redemptive suffering, or being humble and genuinely open to the Lord. That…I would learn later.
To be continued.