Early American chastity advocate, Dr. Prince A. Morrow (1846-1913) wrote: “The problem of clean living is primarily a problem of self-control, of the mastery of the mind over the body.” This is strikingly similar to much the same admonition given by the Saintly Fr. John A. Hardon S.J. (1914-2000): “…the will must first and constantly be taught by the mind what should be desired and chosen and loved. The control, therefore, of our sex impulses depends on our mind enlightening the will on why and how these impulses are to be coped with.” And, in Scripture, we read: “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
All of these quotations are very important and meaningful to anyone that is attempting to battle a porn addiction. Why? Because, often when we sit down at the computer – it’s most of the time already too late. The fight truly begins before we even walk into the office, den, or computer room. The first skirmish normally takes place when the eyes see something that the brain finds simulating. Currently, it is still rather rare to be inadvertently confronted with hardcore porn on a daily basis, but men, and women, are regularly exposed to soft-core varieties – such as: music played on the car radio, television shows and commercials, even while surfing the channels, internet pop-ups and advertisements, modern forms of dress, and so on. Oftentimes too we must simply avoid seeing these things, or it will also end up being too late as well.
How to go about this form of spiritual and mental combat? First of all, it must be accomplished with certitude in God and a strong and fervent belief that He alone can see us through. One of my favorite movies while in college was “Apocalypse Now.” In the film’s most epic battle sequence, green recruits are literally thrown out of helicopters straight into the middle of combat. As the more headstrong and brutish guys jump out with guns in hand, one kid, looking barely 18, screams over and over again: “I am not going, I am not going!” As my time in the porn industry started to come to a close, I often felt like him: scared, overwhelmed, and buried. Everything happened so fast and with such intensity. I felt as if my skin were becoming like armored scar tissue. I was beaten and bloodied. But that was because I relied solely on myself. I was God. If I was going to survive, it would be by my own will alone. Well, I didn’t make it. I crashed and burned. If not for Our Lord Jesus, there would have been no second act.
The lesson? Put all your Faith and Trust in the Lord. Don’t try to grin and bear it; or muscle through. Don’t put on a mask of false masculinity. Humble yourself before God. Tell Him your weaknesses, your pains, your deepest longings, and your most depraved desires. Reveal all to Him. He will give you strength. Then, very simply: do your part. Avoid the “occasion of sin.” You know that if you turn to TCM, The Hallmark Channel, or a religious affiliated television channel, such as EWTN or TBN, the likelihood of subjecting yourself to salacious material is less likely than SPIKE, MTV, or BRAVO. Stay away from pop-music radio stations. If you see someone inappropriately dressed, turn away. And, most importantly: don’t wander about the Net. Develop a plan when you go in front of the computer: have your most visited sites bookmarked; banking, shopping, news. Do what you need to accomplish on the internet, and then sign-off. Here is the critical part: if you have any form of sexual temptation - stay well away from the computer. If necessary – cut the internet cord or take the keyboard and smash it; appears harsh, I know, but the alternative: “And if thy eye scandalize thee, pluck it out. It is better for thee with one eye to enter into the kingdom of God, than having two eyes to be cast into the hell of fire…” Only, if you put your Faith in God, desperate acts such as these will never be necessary. The Lord wants no one damned. At the end of what I thought was my life, I cursed God and didn’t care if I went to hell, yet, He still saved me. If you turn to Him, he will not reject you. He will welcome you back as the joyous father welcomed the prodigal son.
Note to Catholics: You must always frequent the Sacraments – daily Mass attendance, and weekly Confession. If you fall, go to Confession immediately. From personal experience, if you have a relapse, don’t doddle and put off going to Confession until Saturday or when it’s convenient. Because, when you do that, you tend to collapse again; sometimes harder. Why? Because when we fail, the devil zeros in on us and intensifies the attack. When that happens, we get discouraged, reckon since we already fell, and we have to go to Confession anyway, why not do it again. That’s incredibly damaging. It makes us presumptuous, and we tend to take the saving Power of God for granted. For, when Jesus fell those many times on the Way to Calvary, he didn’t lie on the ground for a while, but got immediately back-up.