“The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.” (CCC #2358)
“Love the sinner, and hate the sin…” We have all heard that before. So, the Catholic Church is telling me that my feelings are “disordered,” but, yet, they are also offering me the handshake of “respect” and “compassion.” Therefore, they detest me, and they love me; right? Well, not exactly, in 1986, The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons) put it more precisely: “…the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered toward an intrinsic moral evil; and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder.” In other words, to feel same-sex attraction, and to not act upon them, either with another person or with yourself, is not a sin in and of itself; but, to have same-sex desires and then to act upon them – is. But, there is more to it than just that: the homosexual inclination is “disordered.” Meaning, those feelings and yearnings are something which must be overcome; also from the same Congregation Letter: “It is, in effect, none other than the teaching of Paul the Apostle to the Galatians when he says that the Spirit produces in the lives of the faithful ‘love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control’ (5:22) and further (v. 24), ‘You cannot belong to Christ unless you crucify all self-indulgent passions and desires.’” Consequently, the orientation is a complete hindrance to fuller union with Christ, or, as “The Catechism” foresees for all those with the homosexual inclination: “Christian perfection” (CCC #2359.)
For that reason, “No” is the answer to the question: “Is it okay to be gay and Catholic?” Why? Because, as both “The Catechism,” and the Magisterium, clearly state: not only are homosexual acts disordered, but the inclination is as well. And, since the desire to act out sexually is directly connected to the inclination, if the problem of the inclination is not addressed in the individual, then – the desire for sexual activity will always be, even if suppressed and seemingly under control, just below the surface. As we must remember: the orientation is a defect, or a type of “wound.” Here, the use of the term wound is crucial for a better understanding of why it is never acceptable to think of oneself as gay, even if the individual is physically chaste; the term wound in the gay context was most effectively brought up in a document, “Guidelines for the Use of Psychology in the Admission and Formation of Candidates for the Priesthood,” that was focused on possible candidates for the priesthood, but nevertheless, bears much recompense in this instance: “…and maintain that homosexuality is a type of deviation, a type of irregularity. Therefore it is a type of wound…” Then, as with any other physical ailment, the emotional, psychological, and spiritual wound of same-sex attraction must be similarly healed; for, if one continues to maintain that they are gay, after a conversion to Catholicism, they have not healed the wound of same-sex attraction.
How does healing take place? Healing can only successfully and most wholly occur through the Cross of Our Lord Jesus Christ; as we must “…crucify all self-indulgent passions and desires” to the very Cross of Our Savior. This move towards healing is an all-encompassing decision: for, it not only affects our sexuality, but our very way of thinking; and most importantly, our perception of ourselves in relation to God. This requires a great deal of humility; which, in turn, stems from our Trust in God. Because, our very woundedness will make us proud, as the most famous early sinner, St. Augustine, once wrote: “And these things had grown out of my wound; for Thou ‘humbledst the proud like one that is wounded,’ and through my own swelling was I separated from Thee; yea, my pride-swollen face closed up mine eyes.” In this, we must understand that the need to somehow cling to an artificial sense of orientation originally results from that very wound – the initial wound of same-sex attraction. Now, in order to heal that wound - we must be willing to dig a little deeper. Here, again, the words of the Saints are so much more eloquent than anything I could come up with; according to St. Josemaria Escriva: “To heal a wound, the first thing to do is to clean it well, including a wide area around it. The surgeon knows that the cleaning hurts, but he also knows that there will be worse pain later if it is not done. A disinfectant is also applied immediately. Naturally it stings (or, as they say where I come from, it prickles) and hurts the patient. But it's the only way if the wound is not to become infected.” Only, the wound he is talking about is not a physical injury, but damage to the spiritual life of the person; an inner wound. And, cleaning this up is an ugly and rather nasty business; such as St. Josemaria described, it’s going to be painful. But, the mystics, who were so close to our Lord, intimately understood that suffering was the surest route to salvation; as Christ Saved Mankind through the Cross. St. John of the Cross made it simple: “Desire to make yourself in suffering somewhat like our great God, humiliated and crucified; for life, if not an imitation of Him, is worth nothing.” To paraphrase what Christ said to the rich young man: you have to give it all up. For, Christ and the Catholic Church are calling the reformed and former homosexual to something truly exalted: to join oneself with the Master; “…to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross.” (CCC #2358)
Author’s note: From my own experience, the gay orientation has been more difficult to sever than the attachment to the physical aspects of gay relations. For instance, when I was newly saved from the homosexual lifestyle, I openly wondered with God whether or not I could remain in the gay world while being a chaste man. On an early outing, back so some of my old haunts, I realized that was an impossibility, as I quickly took on much of the gay mannerisms that I had so earnestly been trying to wash myself clean; even more seriously – I started to reform thought patterns concerning my relationship with other men, which often worked purely on the surface matters and inevitably resorted to the sexual. Yet, I sincerely understand the plight of those who steadfastly hold onto their gay identifications, as for me: it informed the world of who I was. I was gay; and that defined me for much of my early life. To this day, there are certain affectations that I must daily do battle with; they are sort of clinging spirits that still somewhat tie we to what I was: a certain way of speaking, or moving my hands and arms. It’s something gravely difficult to overcome, but when we cling to the gay identity – in a sense, we surrender to those old ways of perceiving the world; and of perceiving ourselves. For remember; when Christ healed the sick, he healed them completely. God doesn’t want us walking about with open wounds: “And they besought him that they might touch but the hem of his garment. And as many as touched, were made whole.” (Matt 14:36)