“Chastity does indeed reside in the soul as its subject, though its matter is in the body. For it belongs to chastity that a man make moderate use of bodily members in accordance with the judgment of his reason and the choice of his will.” ~ St. Thomas Aquinas
The writings of St. Thomas Aquinas I have always found incredibly dense, and reading them often feels like getting lost within a medieval labyrinth: I know that it’s a worthwhile journey, but one that I would rather not make the strenuous effort to finish. Yet, here, when explaining the sexual urges, he is relatively clear: the willingness, or lack thereof, to abstain from sexual activity is greatly influenced by the body, but can only be regulated through reason; meaning a formed conscience will direct the free will. And, without God, the conscious cannot be formed and remains a purely instinctual driven reflex.
For example, when I was a young boy – I was completely uninformed, and in some cases misinformed. I thought that the sexual function was solely placed within my body for pleasure: I masturbated, it felt good, so I continued to do it; I looked at pornography, it made me feel good, so I continued to do it; when that became tiresome – I became sexually active with others, it felt good, so I continued to do it. During that time, I had very few complex thought processes which traveled through my mind. What ideas did enter my brain were all centered on how I could make this act more pleasurable, or what could I do different this time to make it more exciting than the last. What all this sex was doing to my mind, my body and my relationship with God, which was non-existent, I had no knowledge. For, sex was something almost separate from myself. It was something I did to get that rush of sensation. It took me to a place I wanted to go; but once I was there – it was over. And, then, I was fractured and desperately searching to make myself seemingly whole again.
Later, there came a time, when my body, and therefore sex, began to fail me: I couldn’t travel to my happy place any more. I was stuck; and trapped within a body that I really didn’t like anymore. In addition, my mind was going berserk; I lost all touch with myself. My parts all felt distinct and separated: my mind, body, and sexuality were drifting hopelessly around a dark space and I had no way to conjoin them. I was lost. Yet, beyond the desperation, I found myself – there was Hope within the promise of Christ Jesus. I saw this most firmly in His presence as the Jesus of Divine Mercy. Within His image were His Body, His Blood, and the Water of Salvation merging all together to pour down upon me and wash everything clean. At times, it felt like the Trinity. As a kid, I had a vague idea of what the Trinity was, saying In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit as I entered the church, but I never paid it much mind and thought it all a bunch of meaningless ritual and posturing. Then, in my own restoration, I could simply understand: as my body, mind, and soul were healed and bound together through the Incarnation of Christ, so did the Trinity exist for all time. Christ had made me whole again, and made me into a true mirror of Himself. And, through Chasity, this state is perfected.