On St. Valentine’s Day 2015, the horrendous book “50 Shades of Grey,” will be released as a major motion picture. The plot revolts around a seemingly mousy female college graduate and her sado-masochistic sexual relationship with a domineering business magnate. So far, only the trailer for the film has been made public, but, like the book, it glamorizes and offers up BDSM as a viable sexual alternative. In reality, these very dark practices literally open a supernatural door into the demonic.
I was first introduced into the evil world of bondage and discipline by a cabal of much older and wealthy homosexual men in San Francisco. With them, I always played the dominant role. At the time, because I was so unsure of my own masculinity, it somehow bolstered that slight grasp that I had on a very tenuous sort of manliness. It was as if, the devil promised me: beat these men and I will make you a master of them all. I listened; I did as I was told. Later, when I got older, and less desirable, I realized that the devil had lied to me. For, I was still trapped in the mind of this insecure little boy. Then, I just gave up and allowed myself to be hit and abused by more aggressive men, whom I thought: would somehow ritualistically initiate me into manhood. These satanic circuses were fully exposed and recognized in my endless study of occultism from Aleister Crowley to Anton LaVey.
Far from what “50 Shades” tries to communicate, BDSM is not a harmless sexual experiment: because, it attracts those with extremely serious and deep psychological wounds; particularly individuals with a need for exaggerated masculine idols or an indefinable desire to be punished. Like the chronically depressed or the survivors of childhood neglect, who self-medicate themselves with alcohol or drugs, it’s a masking agent which provides a momentary step into bliss, but always leaves you slipping and crashing down to the floor - actually to hell itself. This occurs, because, during those times of eroticized torture, the devil draws very close and offers you the world. But, in the end, he delivers nothing. For myself, I almost realized this fact too late. The night of my unforeseen conversion, I took part in the most extreme scene I ever could have imagined. Only, beforehand, the devil said that if I submitted, this would be the quick and final solution to all of my problems. I was desperate, so I agreed - and was taken to the very edge of damnation. My sole reason for still being alive? A long disregarded and forgotten figure from my past took pity on me; and His name is Jesus Christ.