Among several pornography surveys and sales reports, including those from PornMD, among heterosexuals, the top porn categories most often include: MILF, teen, and lesbian; among gay men, it’s the proverbial “daddy” titles. These sub-groups of porn and their popularity has a lot to do with the woundedness and damage within the individual who desires to watch them; and in most cases, we are addressing the issues of men. For, it is my contention that men who seek out porn – are not only doing so to find sexual gratification and physical release, but also to discover some form of psychological healing.
In the vast cacophony of porn genres, certain men are drawn to particular situations and scenarios. For example, those who are lured to MILF porn, which is a relatively new phenomena in the porn industry, inevitably have some untended injury from their childhood that concerns their mothers; also, it’s no coincidence that the interest in this form of pornography has grown as divorce rates rise and more and more women leave the home for employment and are oftentimes disconnected from the day to day goings on of their children’s lives. By watching older women, almost always with young male partners, having sex – they are attempting to mend that rift within themselves. Similarly, with male homosexuals, the daddy porn category has continuously been one of the most popular. Here, the implications are self-evident: that gay men want to somehow overcome their feelings of alienation and neglect from their fathers by engaging in the fantasy of porn – where everything is instantaneously resolved through sex.
In reality, porn fixes nothing. Yet, in those few moments of ecstasy: when the endorphins rush, the eyes are filled with imagery, and mind is clouded by the fantastical setups which seem real - everything is right in the world. It’s an illusion that temporarily makes the pain go away. But, when it’s all over – things only get worse. Because, you long to go back to that singular time in space when the hurt didn’t seem to exist. Yet, the peace and contentment which you crave gets more and more fleeting and more and more difficult to grasp on to. And, still, the sorrow lingers and grows. Soon, nothing works anymore. What porn ultimately accomplishes is that it leaves you alone and still wounded. You are confused and desperate, and unsure where to turn. Sadly, you incessantly go back to the pornography: hoping beyond hope that it will somehow cure this ache within your heart. Only, what this hurt is trying to communicate is that everything is not right within us – that we have been injured and are in need of mending. Yet, the easement of pain through the flesh only treats the flesh – and not even in that effort is porn successful. Where the pain lies is in the spirit and in the mind. However, we are ashamed and unwilling to acknowledge this truth. So, we seek out conscious-less phantasms on the computer to rebuild us. But, our only salvation is the Lord Jesus Christ; in Him we must trust; and to Him we must reveal our insecurities, embarrassing wounds, and ugly vices. St. Josemaria Escriva on this subject said: “We have to be totally sincere with him. We have to tell the whole truth, and then we have to say: ‘Lord, if you will’ — and you are always willing — ‘you can make me clean.’ You know my weaknesses; I feel these symptoms; I suffer from these failings. We show him the wound, with simplicity, and if the wound is festering, we show the pus too. Lord, you have cured so many souls; help me to recognize you as the divine physician…”