Dutch researchers Sanjay Aggarwala and Rene Gerrets reported in a recent issue of “Culture, Health & Sexuality” that adult gay men in the Netherlands were three times more likely than heterosexual men to report a mood disorder or anxiety disorder, and ten times more likely to report suicidal thoughts. According to the report: “Many informants raised the issue of having a steady partner during the research – a long-term relationship was perceived to offer increased psychological stability, emotional resilience and social acceptability. However, many found it difficult to form and maintain relationships, and some experienced sadness and loneliness as a result…However, the researchers suggest the manner in which gay men interact with each other also contributes to problems forming stable relationships. They describe informants ‘shopping’ for the ideal man on dating websites and in gay venues. When it became clear that a partner was less than perfect, informants were often quick to switch their focus…”
At first, this research is less than extraordinary – especially to anyone who might be familiar with the loneliness, isolation, and restlessness that are so inherent with all gay subcultures. I will never forget attending the my first Castro Street Halloween extravaganza: the crowd milling all about the Castro Theater, everyone in full costume, the alcohol and XTC flowing freely – and feeling crowded and claustrophobic, but completely alone. Everyone was so consumed by their own looks, looking at everyone else, and being concerned about who was looking at them – that no one really related. It was like a massive sex-show, in which everyone was the performer and the voyeur. It was completely unerotic and thoroughly frustrating. But, back to the research: for those who may not be aware – The Netherlands is regarded as the most progressive nation on Earth when it comes to LGBT rights. For instance: the Netherlands became the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage in 2001; same-sex joint and step adoption are also permitted; recent polls indicated that more 90% of ethnic Dutch people view homosexuality as moral; 85% of the Dutch population supported same-sex marriage and adoption; Amsterdam has frequently been referred to as one of the most gay friendly cities in the world by numerous gay and main-stream publications. Yet, despite this supportive and downright honored atmosphere, gay men in The Netherlands are still very much unhappy. Why?
According to the CDC (The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention):
“Homosexuality is not a mental disorder, but homophobia, stigma, and discrimination have negative effects on the health of MSM, lesbians, and other sexual minorities. The negative effects of social marginalization can be found in adolescent and adult MSM, for example, research has shown that MSM and other members of the LGBT community are at increased risk for a number of mental health problems. Research also has found that, compared to other men, MSM are at increased risk of:
Major depression during adolescence and adulthood;
Bipolar disorder; and
Generalized anxiety disorder during adolescence and adulthood.”
Throughout all of the reports from the CDC, ranging from studies of unprotected sex among gay men to the rise in HIV infections in boys and teenagers with same-sex attraction, the reason for the disparity between the heterosexual and homosexual communities is always blamed on “homophobia” and “discrimination.” However, the Dutch findings seem to contradict this, because: besides the general atmosphere of gay acceptance in The Netherlands, “Many respondents had grown up in family environments that were accepting of gay rights…” In other words, this is the ideal environment in which to grow up, be affirmed, and accept a homosexual orientation. Then, why is it when a boy who experiences little to no harassment or prejudice as a child, and much less so as an adult, because of his sexual orientation – still phases into a very mentally unbalanced adult. Because the high rates of depression, suicide, and drug use within the gay community has nothing to do with how homosexual are perceived, but how homosexual perceive themselves. For, at its root, homosexuality in the male, and oftentimes in the female, is a failure to recognize the masculine, or the feminine, that should be inherent within you. It eroticizes that which is missing, and then sets it up as an idol; hence the worship of extreme forms of masculinity in the gay world: oversized bodybuilders, macho bears, and the enormous phallus. This leads to the “shopping” mentality as described in the Dutch study. Inevitably, the perfection which they seek, a magical heavenly elixir that will heal all the pains of youth, fails to materialize. Only, the quest continues. One lover after another, partner after partner, sex becomes more perverse, desperation and depression ensue, the risk of disease is everywhere – still, many are willing to take the chance. A restless desolation pervades. Everyone is looking; and finding themselves alone and unsatisfied.