One of my perpetually favorite subjects for meditation is the infancy and boyhood of Our Lord. And, Christmas time always seems an especially appropriate occasion to fully dedicate ourselves to praying upon the early life of Christ. The best place to start this endeavor is always within the pages of The Bible. Although relatively little is recorded in Scripture, still, what is there is remarkable. First of all, we read about how Our Lord was conceived within the womb of the Virgin Mary and how incredibly important the presence of Joseph, as head of the Holy Family, proved to be in the plans of God. For, despite his fears, Joseph had been chosen, and heavenly angels, just as they had announced the conception of Christ, ensured the continued fortitude and strength of Jesus’ foster-father. This sometimes begs the question, especially when perceived through the window of modern times where single parent families are more the norm than the exception: Why is Joseph so important?
The more I read and study Scripture, the more I come to understand that within the Life of Christ, lies the remedy to every human wound: the parables of Christ, in particular “The Prodigal Son,” which reflect the loving forgiveness of the Father; the willingness of Christ to seek out and heal the forsaken and the ignorant; and, the betrayal of those closest to Jesus oftentimes makes our own little heartaches seem rather miniscule in comparison. And, for myself, especially through the writings of St. John of the Cross, I see the Crucifixion as the ultimate act of our redemption and the purpose for our lives - to join our suffering with the salvific shedding of Christ’s blood for our sins. But, going back to the earliest Gospel passages, we can see how within the Holy Family, lies the source of healing for all childhood trauma. For example, in the excellent book by Joseph and Linda Ames Nicolosi, “A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality,” the authors recount the sad experiences of many gay men:
“The cultural message is clear: Real men don’t touch. Unfortunately, this taboo often carries over to father and sons, even when boys are still very young, and to brothers and close friends. Men in our culture seem afraid of being perceived as homosexual, or even of ‘making’ themselves or someone else homosexual by hugging, holding or touching them.
But the very thing they fear is the thing they are creating: a society of touch-deprived boys who grow up longing to be held by a man. If the need to be touched and held isn’t met in childhood, it doesn’t just go away because a boy grows into a man. For us, the desire was so primal, and so long denied, that some of us sought sex with a man at times when all we really wanted was to be held. We just didn’t know how else to receive the non-sexual touch we craved.”
As a man inside the gay world, I repeatedly heard gut-wrenching stories, from both homosexual men and women, about their often distant and unloving parents; how they habitually longed to please them, only to remain unplacated. Later, filled with anger, they disregarded the effort altogether and rebelled. Despite this, I always tended to be a bit clueless. When I was an escort, I was normally in a rush: desperate to get the deed done with - so I could be on my way. Much of the time, clients asked for a bit of quiet time to be embraced. I refused, as I had no kindness to give. Later on, when I began to attend Courage meetings, I heard much of the same reality: the desire for human contact. As for myself, while the years went by, and it became nearly a decade since intimately touching another person, I too began to think about the male need to be loved and perhaps where things had gone wrong in my own childhood. When I did that, inevitably the thoughts and memories would return to an awkward little boy who always felt gangly and stupid around his peers. What happened many years ago, now, we have no control over. Yet, we do have influence over how we currently manage what took place when we were innocent children. I have chosen to remake portions of my childhood, into the image of the Holy Family. To be protected by them, to be nurtured, and to be healed. Even Christ himself, when questioned about his family, said: “My mother and my brethren are they who hear the word of God, and do it.” Therefore, we are all invited, to abandon all ties to the things which damaged and hurt us, to be made anew within the Family of God.
Interestingly, the current Roman Catholic Bishop of Malta had this to say at Christmas Mass: “The silent and essential mission of Joseph was to ensure that the boy Jesus, in his upbringing as a man, was not deprived of a father’s affection and example. In the upbringing of his Beloved Son, God himself ordained and chose to be subjected to the wisdom and law of creation according to which a baby should be reared by a mother and father, by a couple made of a man and a woman and not by a couple made of woman and woman or a couple made of man and man…” And, herein lies the necessity: of the father for the son, and the mother for the daughter: to understand what it is to be a man and to be a woman. When that example is missing, another idol forms itself in the same caldron which emerged the golden calf: a false deity who promises restoration and love, but gives only sadness, desperation, and disease. In his Grace and Goodness, the Lord has given me another symbol of Hope and Healing: His own Family. They have adopted me, and countless others. They will turn no one away; for: “Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house there are many mansions.”