Just recently, the main-stream media, goaded by the gay press, went all mushy, when cute and boyish British diver Tom Daley oh so bravely reveled that he was gay. Later, it was discovered that the 19 year old Daley had a serious relationship with 39-year old Hollywood screenwriter Dustin Black. This revelation elicited a deafening silence from homosexual quarters, but a flurry of criticism from “conservatives.” The self-appointed spokesman for all of American gaydom, Michelangelo Signorile, immediately went into defensive damage control, writing in the Huffington Post such witticisms as: “shut your mouth;” “drop this crap;” and “[he] doesn't need your paternalism, thank you very much.” His supposed comebacks are desperate and snarky. But, his apparent well thought out arguments are just plain disturbing. In justification for such gay relationships, Signorile writes:
Some younger people are attracted to older people, and vice versa. There's even a gay website called Daddyhunt. The famed novelist Armistead Maupin's 27-years-younger husband, Christopher Turner, founded it. They met on another one of Turner's sites, HotOlderMale.com.
Historically, gay men have engaged in intergenerational sexual encounters, brief romances and long-term relationships -- among consenting adults -- probably much more than straight people have. One reason is simply that, historically, we've had to find each other and teach each other about ourselves, coming together in a larger world that doesn't teach us our history, our culture or simply how to be gay, how to protect ourselves, how to have families -- even how to have sex. And often, but certainly not always, that's been about older people teaching younger people -- again, consenting adults.
Too many gay and lesbian people, raised in a heterosexual society, copy this model and believe that they need to look for someone just like them. That's a mistake. They already have a lot in common: the experience of their genders and of being queer. Differences in other areas, including in age, often work.
None of these arguments are new, for I heard practically every one during my first day out as a young 19 year old gay guy in the Castro. Except there, they were not so clinically worded. I got the full import and meaning in the gay vernacular, such as: “You need to be broken-in;” “I’ll make you a man;” “Let me love you like your daddy was afraid to…” and on and on. And, so it went for all of us. Apparently, Signorile has confused modern gay culture with some bizarre fantasy of the Ancient Greek concept of “boy love.” Signorile sees the so-called education of young gay men, by older gay men, as a little paradise where eager and willing ephebes sit around Sophocles and lovingly learn about the rites of man-sex. Its clearly not true, for even in the so-called innocuous web-sites, such as Daddyhunt, that he mentions, are awash with older gay males demanding to immediately discern everyone’s anal preference (top or bottom,) penis length, and willingness to go bareback. If any promises of affection or security are ever made, it’s in a sort-of “sugar-daddy” trade for sex arrangement. While there are always exceptions to any rule, they are in the distinct minority, and are usually relegated to a few high-profile individuals. The preponderance, remain in the gay community, oftentimes entering the homosexual lifestyle after a childhood filled with taunting and loneliness. For awhile, they find companionship and solace. Later, the threat of HIV is ever present. According to the CDC: “Among adolescent males aged 13–19 years, approximately 91% of all diagnosed HIV infections are from male-to-male sexual contact. From 2006 to 2009, YMSM aged 13–24 years had the greatest percentage increase in diagnosed HIV infections of all age groups.” Although I have not seen any studies, I am willing to state that the greatest number of these boys are contacting HIV from older gay men; not their still fresh newbie friends. And, therein lays the tragedy.
Note: I left the gay community in 1999, before the advent of on-line hookup sites. Any knowledge of these social networks - I have amassed from the countless gay men whom I daily correspond with and counsel. I thank them for keeping this exiled former gay guy informed.