With only a week until Thanksgiving, I am receiving many e-mails concerning family get-togethers and how one should react, and or treat gay relatives or friends at such events. As I often do, when confronted with these sorts of dogmatic questions, I turn to “The Catechism of the Catholic Church.” It reads as follows: “They [homosexuals] must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided.” Therefore, they must be accepted. And, The Catechism also states: “This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial.” And: “Under no circumstances can they [homosexual acts] be approved.” Thus, while we must accept our brothers and sisters who suffer from same-sex attraction, at the same time: we must not, by showing charity towards their person, confuse this with tolerating the gay lifestyle (which includes acknowledgment of the gay orientation, gay dating, and gay marriage.) And, sadly, this is where much of the confusion lies: because that person with same-sex attraction is not one and the same with the gay lifestyle; they are two distinct things. As, the homosexual person is a precious treasure made in God’s image. He or she is an individual worthy of our Love and compassion. But, the gay lifestyle is an evil incarnation of a fallen world; a beast which deceives the lost and the wounded. It must always be rejected.
Consequently, my advice is as follows: if you are invited to a Thanksgiving or Christmas event, and there will be a gay relative or friend present or invited – I would whole-heartedly attend, under the following condition: only if you meditate upon this Gospel passage: “And the scribes and the Pharisees, seeing that he ate with publicans and sinners, said to his disciples: Why doth your master eat and drink with publicans and sinners? Jesus hearing this, saith to them: They that are well have no need of a physician, but they that are sick. For I came not to call the just, but sinners.” (Mark 2:16-17) While at the event, take the opportunity to invite that gay relative or friend to your home or out to lunch or dinner. Depending upon the closeness of the relationship, you can then instigate a dialogue where thereby you listen to their story and you relate to them (in the most Christ-like and charitable manner) the teachings of the Church. Be simple, but be explicit. At first, they may become defensive or dismissive; they may even cut off all ties with you, but, perhaps, one day, you will hear them knocking at your door or the phone will ring – and it will be that person: looking for help. And, you will be there with open arms. The mostly likely scenario: the person will reject you. But, be steadfast, stout, and Loving. Successive events are open to a prayerful and well-informed conscious. If the gay person is attending an occasion with a partner, as opposed to a “disinterested” friend (see CC #2359,) I would advise caution; especially when children are also present. Because, in a very real sense: they are making a statement; and they have made a choice. They have given-up and are submitting to their woundedness; which goes against the explicit laws of Our Lord as laid down in The Catechism; and Holy Scripture. You presence, signals your acceptance; even if silent. This action on your part cuts off the gay person from the community of Christ. For example, when I was in the gay lifestyle, I didn’t know a single Catholic that I could turn to for help: this was because they were all either lukewarm Catholics-in-name-only or liberal do-as-they-please Easter and Christmas Catholics. At a few points, during my run in the gay world, I felt disappointed and contemplated leaving. But, I had no one to talk with. Hence, when you accept the gay lifestyle - you shut down that beacon of light; when you might have been the only person in that gay man or woman’s life that could have been an escape route to salvation. Lastly, the families and friends of many gay people have made it far too easy for them to stay right where they are; they have no incentive to leave. Everyone accepts them; or turns a blind eye. There is no push back; there is no challenge. There is never a dam in the stream, so they just keep going with the current. And, that’s sad. Because, of our complacency and confused need to get-along, we have condemned our brothers and sisters. Where we should be a sign of hope, we are nothing more than voiceless figure.
Note: I would give the same advice to those attending events at which there will be present heterosexual couples who are openly sexually active and or shacking-up. I realize that is may appear harsh, but especially in the gay male world – where AIDS and other STDs are continuing to ravage the lives of so many, this is truly a matter of life and death. Therefore, every gay man or woman needs at least one person that they can turn to, in their darkest and most desperate times, that will tell them the Truth. And, that person has to be you.