I have not thought about Nick Iacona (Joey Stefano) in quite awhile. When I was working on my book, I thought about including just a short description of a brief meeting I had with him, but decided not to include it. So much has been written about him, I didn’t want to add to the mix. I thought I should leave that to his family and close friends. But, the other day, I happened to come across a news story which reported the possibility of a movie in the works about Nick's too short life; he died in 1994 at the age of 26. Now, for the past few days he has been on my mind. Therefore, I have chosen to share some thoughts and my impressions of the man.
I met Nick once, back in 1993. A good friend, from my early porn days in San Francisco, had moved to LA in order to break into the Southern California pornography scene. He called me and said he had gotten a job in a film that would also include Nick; and some of the other very well known gay porn stars of the time. He invited me down, and I happily made the trip. In the midst of filming, some of the actors and crew went out for dinner after the long day of shooting. I joined them. I sat across from Nick, and was completely mesmerized. He was a bit flamboyant, and not my physical type, but he was incredibly beautiful. Although, he was more than a year older than me, he looked a lot younger. I was already beginning to become wasted and used-up, and he still appeared like a young kid. His demeanor was equally fresh and exuberant. He acted as if he were a school boy playing hookie for the day and getting into all sorts of trouble. He liked to visit and talk, and sometimes purposefully shock by saying something unexpected. But, when he said it, it didn’t seem course or vulgar. For, he had a real innocence and boyish charm about him, that I never had; even when I was a boy.
During the entire dinner, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was that compelling. He was this almost perfect mix of sexual charisma and unforced naivete that many who knew her ascribed to Marilyn Monroe. I conversed with him a few times, and tried to make my grade-Z porn career in San Francisco sound bigger than it was. I asked him some questions, and for advice, which he happily offered. He was genuinely impressed when I told him that I went by the stage-name “Joey” in admiration of him. Suddenly, his expression changed. Then, he said something that surprised me. He made it clear that he wanted to get out of the business. He said he was tired of getting used. That statement floored me. I thought, he is a star. And, I always regarded him as the master of his own destiny. Self-guiding every movie in his life and celebrity status. At the time, I couldn’t understand.
Looking back, after 20 years, I completely get what Nick was trying to do. Although, he always looked enthusiastic in his movies, there was also a creepy element to his appearances on film; as if you were watching child-pornography. Apart from his looks, there was a giddily immature aura of desperation and hopeless waywardness about Nick. He needed attention and liked it. In and of itself, that was not unusual in the world of gay porn. Since, most of us came from homes with absent or ineffective fathers, and or lives at school filled with merciless teasing by other boys. We loved it when men took notice and appreciated us. But, as myself, Nick was fooled along with the rest of us. We all thought that the love and acceptance we so craved and longed for could be found in the world of gay promiscuity and porn. In reality, the extremes of sex only dulled the pain for awhile. And, then, as Nick did, something else was required to keep the demons of the past at bay. Nick found a deadly solace in drugs.
Later, my friend told me that Nick was HIV+. I couldn’t believe it. He seemed so alive. At that time, being a carrier of the dreaded disease almost always included an eventual and all-too-soon death sentence. Then, I knew I didn’t have it. I tried to imagine what was going on in his mind. Years later, when I didn’t care if I became infected, I was so utterly frustrated and tired of living, that I somehow longed to join the dead gay martyrs of the past. But, I lived. Now, I think back to my fateful meeting with Nick, and I weep. What could have been? I pray his death was not in vain.