In honor of Divine Mercy Sunday, I am posting an excerpt from my book. The Lord knocked at my door several times, while I was entombed in the filth of sin, but I never answered. Years later, during my first cold winter in a Pennsylvania monastery, a little over a year after being in my last porn film, a priest handed me The Diary of Divine Mercy:
Also, around this same period, someone introduced me to the Diary of then Blessed Faustina and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. At that point, I had never heard of her, the Diary, or the Divine Mercy devotion. I was loaned a copy of the book and immediately started to read it. The first thing that struck me about it was the passages in bold-type that indicated when Christ spoke to Faustina. His messages to her were short, direct, and to-the-point. They reminded me of the brief, but intense, direction given by Our Lady at Guadalupe, Lourdes, and Fatima. I became mesmerized with the visions recorded by Faustina in which Our Lord stated that he pursued sinners endlessly. Could Jesus have been with me the entire time? He wanted me even then? And now he welcomed me home with open arms? The following section I read over and over again:
“Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I come as a just judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice…”
The book smashed a hole in everything I believed. He was beautiful, but stern. The handsome, but vengeful, God from the fresco of my childhood turned into the soft countenance of Jesus revealing his heart to pour out His Mercy, Love, and Forgiveness. I knew that I had to stop the endless equivocating and accept the Lord into my heart. He was offering His hand, and if I did not take it now I may never have another chance. I remembered well back into my past and knew of many times that I could have died an unrepentant sinner. Jesus was giving me yet another break.