According to St. Isaiah the Solitary: “When a man severs himself from evil, he gains an exact understanding of all the sins he has committed against God; for he does not see his sins unless he severs himself from them with a feeling of revulsion. Those who have reached this level pray to God with tears, and are filled with shame when they recall their evil love of the passions.”
One of the oddest social phenomena of recent years is the so-called “renaissance” of gay Catholicism: seemingly well-adjusted and faithful Catholics who insist they are gay and “feeling fine.” Now I understand that there are as many varieties of faith journeys as there are men on earth, but any that include a particular attachment to the sin, such as self-identifying as gay while claiming to be free of the lifestyle, is a journey that is not even partially complete. For instance, when the Lord rescued me from being gay, I spent months in an extremely painful condition of tremendous remorse; because I had been subject to a pervasive form of narcolepsy that takes over everyone once they “come-out,” I spent so many pointless days numb to everything going on around me: the needless deaths; the hardening of my heart due to an over-availability of sex and a general lack of compassion; and a growing discontent within me as after ten years – happiness always alluded me. When I was enmeshed in that life, I could feel practically nothing. Afterwards, it all rushed upon me; I became overwhelmed: for days, I would cry unceasingly, vomit every few hours, and tremble uncontrollably. Yet, later, when the pain dissipated, there was always this sense of pervasive sadness (revulsion) which stayed with me. I kept going back to this one incomprehensible moment in my mind – when I thought: “My God, they are all dead!” My heart would break a hundred times a day. The sorrow I felt was indescribable; and, I realized it was all for nothing – it had been a lie. For, somehow, someway, each of us had been convinced we were gay – and that was how we were to live the rest of our lives; but, we didn’t know that some of us would be around for only a few years. Therefore, today, I could never imagine attaching myself in anyway with that word; because, it’s cursed – death is upon it.