The only featured presenter who will speak about homosexual issues at the upcoming World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia is Ron Belgau. In a recent blog, Mr. Belgau wrote:
“I describe myself as gay because my sexual attractions are almost always directed toward someone of my own sex. Jeremy Erickson describes himself as bisexual because his sexual attractions have been directed toward persons of both sexes.
For myself, one of the reasons that it is important to simply and straightforwardly acknowledge that I am gay is that I have seen how much damage was done by the strange semantic games many in the exgay movement have played to conceal ongoing homosexual attraction.
The first definition for the word ‘gay’ on Dictionary.com is ‘of, relating to, or exhibiting sexual desire or behavior directed toward a person or persons of one’s own sex; homosexual.’ Although I am celibate, I still fit that definition with regard to sexual desire, so I accept the label.”
I could not disagree more, for the word “gay,” in my experience, brings to mind so many horrific images of the past: the friends that died needlessly due to AIDS, the suffering and loneliness I endured as a supposedly happy gay man, and the sad plight of those still trapped within the lifestyle. Because gay is not just a descriptive word, but a label; a means of self-identification and a way to communicate with others who you are: I am gay! Now, to identify as gay, while choosing not to have sex with those of the same gender, is to rather stubbornly hold onto the orientation; if that’s the case – then the identity stills possesses something of value, beyond its use as a simple descriptive label. (Also, to resort plainly to semantics, the definition of “gay” from the dictionary, is to neglect all the other social and cultural connotations that word has taken on over the years: “Gay Pride,” “gay porn,” “gay marriage.”) But, moreover, to myself, and to the countless others who escaped homosexuality – the word gay is a lie: as it promised fulfillment and self-satisfaction if we just had the guts to “come-out;” it promised a risk-free sex life if we merely played “safe;” and it promised a normal life of monogamous domesticity, for those so inclined, if we could only find the right man. Yet, coming-out solved nothing: it only confined us in a way of life that continually tottered on the extremes of self-centeredness and hedonism; “safe-sex” was buried as a false ideology in the same dark grave as the naive boys who believed it; and, how many men would you have to sleep through in order to find the mythical perfect guy?
Nevertheless, some cling onto these false hopes. In another blog, Belgau writes, concerning his adolescent crush on a fellow boy: “…there is no good reason to think that my feelings for my friend were derived primarily from disordered sexual desires.” And, herein resides his pervasive need to remain under the gay rainbow umbrella: in his mind, to validate those homosexual feelings as good and worthy emotions. They are not; even if you think you can control them, through chastity; in that sense, chastity becomes a feckless suppression, which always makes the sufferer restless and continually searching for a sense of inner-completion; hence, finding it in the realization and acceptance of being gay. Then, identifying as gay goes part and parcel with the inability to recognize those feeling as “disordered.” My Experience? Deal directly with the hurt: in my case - I was molested by an older girl when I was kid; I was exposed to porn as a boy; was horribly wimpy and effeminate in school; mercilessly teased; and always longed for male acceptance. Admitting and humbly accepting the reality of our wounded nature is paramount to recovery – then, this reveals just how “disordered” our feelings really were; including those boyhood infatuations. Without making that step – we are always locked into the gay mind-set; we are never free; and, we may be chaste in body, but not in spirit.
Identifying as “gay” is the same as identifying with death:
According to the CDC:
“In 2013, MSM [men who have sex with men] accounted for 68 percent of all new HIV diagnoses—a 10 percent increase from 2009.”
And:
“In 2013, 75% of the reported P&S syphilis cases were among men who have sex with men.”
And:
Among males aged 13-24 years 90% of HIV infections were attributed to male-to-male sexual contact. According to the CDC, if HIV continues to spread at its current rates, more than half of college-aged men will have HIV by age 50.
I will never link myself again with a lifestyle that has meant despair, disease, and destruction to so many men. For I cannot forget visiting for the last time a dear friend who was dying of AIDS; in the gay scheme of things, he was not exceptionally promiscuous, but he was utterly charismatic and probably most fully encapsulated, back then, what I thought of as the gay ideal. Being rather young and stupid, as my friend appeared completely sullen that particular day, I tried to cheer him up by rather thoughtlessly saying what a full and eventful life he had. He looked at me, and in the most matter-of-fact tone, said: “It wasn’t worth it.” And, in the end, that’s what the whole gay experiment comes down to: it isn’t worth it.
I think Fr. Paul Check stated it best, when he said in a 2013 interview: “In ‘Veritatis Splendor,’ Blessed Pope John Paul II says that we are in some degree changed by our actions, although we have a fixed human nature. The more a young person self-identifies, the more he is already making a choice in order to firm up that identity in his mind.”
Link to original blogs (mentioned above) by Belgau