In “The Institutes,” early 5th Century Church Father St. John Cassian wrote, regarding the spirit of fornication: “…first of all, the hidden places of our heart must be carefully purified.” He cites the further reoccurrence of sexual imagery within the imagination as proof that a full cleansing has not taken place; therefore, a complete healing and a full union with Christ remains impossible. Somewhat oddly, this idea brings to mind Sigmund Freud, who found that inner emotional attachment rather than sexual activity determined orientation. In light of Cassian’s warning, I think his supposition rings true.
In terms of homosexuality, there is always a buried moment of truth: a point in someone’s life when honesty becomes a thing of avoidance; when the past becomes dissociated; and, when a restless longing takes over - that seems to supplant all that came before. What remains unsaid, like Cassian described, lingers in those “hidden places of our heart.” There, they continue to exert an incredible amount of power over us. I have found this even to be the case when one goes as far as to embrace chastity.
“A bird caught in birdlime has a twofold task: It must free itself and cleanse itself. And by satisfying their appetites, people suffer in a twofold way: They must detach themselves and, after being detached, clean themselves of what has clung to them.” Here, St. John of the Cross is simply and elegantly repeating what Cassian found to be true 1000 years before: that escape from sin is only the beginning. All is left unfinished if we still cling to the cause of that sin: for those with same sex attraction, who have acted out sexually, the residue stays within us in the form of our wounded self. Until that wound is healed - we will truly never be free.