Recently, a well-known homosexual news and lifestyle web-site had the following advice for those older men (daddies) who are interested in a relationship with a younger man:
“Be real. Be honest. Be direct. Show your boy that you’re a steady, stable rock that he can count on. That’s what young guys love about older men, after all.
Sometimes, that requires patience…he’s still learning how to be a man. Don’t nag, don’t fly off the handle. Instead, put yourself in his shoes, and remember how flakey you were when you were a kid. Be an even-keeled presence that he can look up to. And teach him how to be a better man by example.”
Sounds a lot like standing in for the younger man’s father. In fact, its eerily similar to what many psychologists and therapists have written about concerning the pivotal role of fathers within the family: in a scholarly report (1997) that deliberated the meaning of fatherhood, research professors Frank Tanfer and Frank Mott describe an ideal father as one who welds authority as the head of the family - “A father is an authority in a home and needs this authority to guide his children in a loving manner. His role should not be adversarial; he should be a partner who is sensitive and loving to his wife to model a healthy relationship to his children.” Therefore, in fact, what these young men who are attracted to older gay men are seeking - is the father they never had. In support of this conclusion, Dosser Handron, Ph.D., a practicing psychologist and writer, has found that: “Bonding helps to stimulate an infant’s cognitive and social developments; it begins in the pregnancy period. If the father was present during this period, the infant learns to recognize his voice. After birth, parents establish bonding by touching, talking, answering cries and making eye contact with the baby. Infants with affectionate fathers form more secure attachments than those without fathers. An innate connection with the father helps prepare the infant for interactions with other males. If the baby does not develop this connection, it becomes hard for him to get used to other males later in life.” As a result, boys with either missing, uninvolved, or unaffectionate fathers will be unable to have overall healthy and complete relationships with other men; resulting in an eroticization of the masculine ideal (the perfect father) and a swerve into homosexuality. In addition, according to a study published in the 2011 edition of “The American Association of Behavioral and Social Sciences Journal,” college students surveyed for the “Fathering Quality, Father-Child Relationship, and Child’s Developmental Outcomes” study said good fathers were “responsible,” “available,” and “highly involved” in their children’s activities.
Not coincidently, the now somewhat marginalized, but brilliant as ever, Cardinal Raymond Burke, had this to say about the father-crisis in the Church and society as a whole:
“The goodness and importance of men became very obscured, and for all practical purposes, were not emphasized at all. This is despite the fact that it was a long tradition in the Church, especially through the devotion of St. Joseph, to stress the manly character of the man who sacrifices his life for the sake of the home, who prepares with chivalry to defend his wife and his children and who works to provide the livelihood for the family. So much of this tradition of heralding the heroic nature of manhood has been lost in the Church today.
All of those virtuous characteristics of the male sex are very important for a child to observe as they grow up and mature. The healthy relationship with the father helps the child to prepare to move from the intimate love of the mother, building a discipline so that the child can avoid excessive self-love. This ensures that the child is able to identify himself or herself properly as a person in relationship with others; this is critical for both boys and girls.”
To read Cardinal Burke’s entire interview, see: